Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 6

This cell has a definite presence about it. Almost a physical thing that is on the verge of overwhelming me. I feel as if there is someone standing behind me stretching out their hand to touch me, but when I look, of course there is no one there. It very well could be a psychosomatic reaction but what if its not? I mean they say that an animal can smell our sense of fear, so what if we exude a pheromone when our fears consume us? Maybe these cells here on death watch are filled with the fears of those who have come before. I am definitely contributing if that is the case. Will the next occupant of this cell be able to feel my presence as they too wait on their imminent death? I think this place is haunted. Thomas tells me to test that hypothesis. I don’t know how to do that. He also says that regardless of whether there is a ghost here, such things have no power over me. He keeps telling me that will is everything, but I don’t really know that I have the strength to do this. I feel like I am cracking up. Where are you God?

Kevin Varga

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.


Greg said...

In Japan you are not given a date. You can sit on the row for years and years, then one day they just come and get you.

Would you rather not know the date?

Dixie said...

Greg, what compassion! Find something useful to do!

kaori said...

Sorry about leaving comment 8 years later.I'm Japanese.opposing DP.Worrying about Thomas right now.and found this comment.
What Japan do to our DR inmates is beyond imagination.they wait every morning,listening C.O's day,it stops in front of your cell one lawyer meeting,no goodbye with family and friend..

Still,Texas is no better in many ways.