Thursday, February 18, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 8

I had to go speak to the Major today, Major Smith. Everyone who has a date of execution must speak with the man to get the paperwork into order. Where to be buried. To them it is just another death, one of many. Can they not see that this is a human being that they are going to be murdering? I saw today how they looked at me. Now I have become used to these people are almost ten years here and today I saw looks that I have never seen before. It is as though they are already seeing me as a corpse. I was handed this set of papers that neatly organizes the end of my life. Who would I like to allow to see them fill me with poison. I would rather no one witness this, but I know my family will not listen to me. What would I like my last meal to be? People think we are given whatever we want, but it comes from a list of food already served by TDCJ. You can’t get a steak, or a beer, or a cigarette like in the movies. It’s the same crap they feed us every day. How truly wonderful these people are at killing their fellow humans with order. No inmate in all of death row could possibly have been this cold-blooded. Not a single one. They actually laugh and party when some of us are killed. How do you live in this state and not care about this?

My date is now set for May the 12th, so there are actually 83 days to live, moving the count back a few. I feel as if I have been given a gift. Why did I never appreciate this time before?

Kevin Varga

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.


Anonymous said...

Kevin, you wrote,"Can they not see that this is a human being that they are going to be murdering?" Do you not see the irony in such statement? How many men there had this very same thought before they committed the crime which brought them there? Not many I'm sure, but all of a sudden it becomes the most important question in the remaining days of their lives. Hopefully your words will touch a few young men who find themselves dedicated to the 'outlaw' way of life that all too often leads a young man to Death Row to reassess that way of life. Or at least to ask that question before pulling a trigger or a knife. I pray that the next man who finds himself on the verge of drastically altering the arc of his life asks himself,"Can they/(I) not see that this is a human being that they/(I) are/(am) going to be murdering?"
This is the dichotomy of such an argument Kevin. Putting your case aside and using you as the average DR inmate, society asks you, "Why did you not see that the life you took was also a human being?" In most cases an innocent victim. Someone who the morning that their lives were ended was happy, had children, a job, etc. You say that you , again 'you' generically speaking, are being treated unfairly and that we should make our voices heard to save you from the unfairness of 'your' situation. In turn I would ask you, what does it gain to save 'you' when in fact society is trying to save the innocent however imperfectly we are trying to do it.
As words of comfort I would just say to you that if you are indeed innocent, you will reap a greater reward from the Creator. Small comfort perhaps but would you rather your Soul exist in the afterlife vindicated or live on DR adjudged by Men as Guilty?

Dixie said...

Why enter into a debate with Kevin regarding his plight? Our country is the only civilized country in the world still using the DP and that is troubling, to say the least. Who are we to play God and what does the DP actually accomplish? It results in creating another grieving family and does nothing for the original family. I pray that we see the end of the death penalty in the very near future! Kevin, I'm still praying....and God is with you...never doubt that!

Anonymous said...


Leave the man alone with your self righteous talk. I don't wish to see it and you aren't impressing anyone. He doesn't need to know how you feel or even think. If you are God fearing at all, you will hush up and go on your way. Ellenor

Anonymous said...


Leave the man alone with your self righteous talk. He doesn't need to hear your opinions at all. If you are as God fearing as you appear to profess, you will just go on your way. Go pick apart some literature from another source instead of weighing your insensitive garbage in this place of support.

Anonymous said...

Get lost with your self righteous garbage and leave this man alone. Go critique some literary site somewhere. Please don't say that you are remotely even close to being God fearing.

Diosa said...


My brother, I wish I could give you comfort, or be with you in the end....but Kalamazoo, Michigan is so very far away.

It seems like only yesterday when I saw you during your trial. It killed Me to hear you being sentenced. I will NEVER forget that day.

I will never forget you and our 3 brothers. How I long for those days when you use to play around the block, building forts, and having fun.

I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU, and you take a piece of Me with you when you go.

Your sister in life and death,

Bobbie jo

Diosa said...


My dear sweet brother. I just heard, and I am sick, and in shock!! I wish there was something I could do to comfort you, or even be with you in the end, but Kalamazoo is so very far away.

Please always remember that no matter how far away we are, you are always in My heart.

I remember coming to your trial, it sickened me hearing the judge pass his sentence down on you.

I remember when we were little, the 5 of us playing around the neighborhood, building forts and having fun laughing together.

I will love you forever my brother, in life and in death.

Forever your sister,

Bobbie jo~