Sunday, March 7, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 25

I am not sure exactly how the human mind works, but I have been hearing, as I believe we all have at one point or another, about the psychic capacity or potential I guess would be a better term. However we look at these things, at times we have all experienced this, you will be thinking of someone and they will call you. So I was writing about my miseries in yesterday’s journal and I went to sleep thinking that I had few people that truly cared whether or not I lived or died. Well I was awoken by the officer passing out the mail. I got in the mail an e-mail (JPay) letter from Thomas’ friend Tracey. She sent along the comments that some of you have made about this journal. I was moved to tears, and as any of you that been following my words know that I am not a person that cries easily. I am not a religious person, I prefer to think of myself as a spiritualist, I believe in the trinity and that I will go on to heaven if God forgives the sins I commit, but when I read that you people out there are not only listening to me but are actually willing to help me stay alive, I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving to God. I thank all of you that are willing to write letters to help save me. What can I say that will show my appreciation? I guess I could reply on simplicity and say, Thank you, thank you for caring, for loving another human whom you’ve never met, who has never claimed to be an angel, I have been many things but never that. Thank you I believe mostly for the trust and belief you have in my ability to contribute to society. You will, I hope, never find out what it feels like to be called utterly worthless, knowing full well that you can be a productive member of society. The fact that a small group of people almost a decade ago said exactly this to me has had an impact upon the way I look at myself. I mean sure I have tried to deny their assessment of me, but always there would be a small, almost insignificant voice that would whisper, “maybe…” To have my self worth affirmed by you is as great a gift for me as freedom, well okay, maybe not that much, but seriously it is a great thing to know that someone can see me as having potential again.

I close today with each of you on my mind and renewed hope in my fellow man. I mean if you guys are having faith in me, should I not too have some faith that there is a humane spirit with the state of Texas’ powers that be and I will be given a change to live. I will trade the prospect of death for even a life within the confines of prison. Who knows what a man, even one who must spend his days in a cage, is capable of? I could grow wings and fly chained to the earth as I am I too could soar through the ether. You people have given me new hope.

Kevin Varga 999368
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.

1 comment:

D Ruelas said...

Dear Kevin:
I am so glad you appreciated the comments Tracey sent to you. This comes to share that there are MANY people that DO care for you, and many that are praying for you and motivating you to believe you are a person that is valuable. Receiving those comments was a way of God letting you know that you are important to HIM also and he loves you very much. This is a blessing from him. Don't forget...STAY STRONG; we are praying for you!! I have written ANOTHER letter, this time with copy to the governor and your lawyer!