Friday, March 26, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 44

I want to share yet another poem that I have written to express how I have been feeling here lately. I am not sure if it will be helpful to you who read these words or not, but either way I wish you to know how I see things on a daily basis, not just the good but also the things that make me just wish I could break down and cry.

I feel the need to tell you the unabashed truth rather than to fill you with falsehoods and candy-coasted truths that only serve to make you, the reader, feel good. That being said I will now write the poem…

A man thinking back over his past,
a writhing cloud of emotion clears.
Forty year old eyes look back
at a ten year old face.
Echoes from the past,
all he now hears.
Pushed from mother’s side,
discarded and unwanted,
into a twisted world he’s thrown.
Concrete and steel
all that a ten year olds eyes see,
to shape the only life
he’s ever known.
Raised in a cage, how did he ever
grow wings to fly?
It took thirteen to sentence him that
cold November night, when they told
him he must die

These are the thoughts that have been going through my head today. I cannot understand why I have been thrown away to die, especially when I feel that I have something to share with the world. I want to scream out that this is all so unfair, but who will listen to me? Who will actually stop the Texas killing machine from spewing me out when they have their way? I believe in justice, I truly do, but the death penalty has not been about justice, but about vengeance. Texas courts have been giving you, the public, vengeance for the crimes that have been committed, but will my death bring back those men that Billy Galloway killed? Will his death? I tell you that it will not, nor will it bring closure to the victim’s family. You may believe differently but think for a moment and you too will see that if something that happened twelve years ago is once more brought to light it only opens wounds that have scar tissue to bleed once more. How then is this closure? I have stated before, and will continue to scream, that if I could bring those two men back from the realm of death, I would. I do not have this power. My death will serve not justice, but vengeance. I do not think the families of the two slain men are the types to want vengeance, but if they are, then I will go to my death knowing that I personally did not harm those people that they loved. My life is counted in days and I know the truth of my actions and I find that I can bear that burden.

46 days to live.

Kevin Varga 999368
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.


B said...

Serious back log on Kevin's entrys. By my count... he's only got a little over 19 days to go.

Tracey said...

I apologise for this backlog. Unfortunately I received days 32-56 within the space of a few days right before I had to attend a 5 day conference. All entries should be posted within the next 2-3 days