Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 62

As I sit and wait to find out if I will receive a stay I am becoming more and more despondent. I am fighting off the depressive state I find myself in. I hate that all I do lately on this journal is complain about how sad I am, how being here is so hard upon me. I tend to forget about the people that care and love me, how must this be affecting them. I am sure that this isn’t any easier on them than it is on me, I really have the easy part in all of this, I get to die at the end if it goes bad, they must live on, sure at first it be an overwhelming pain of loss, but soon they will learn to laugh after time. I will not have to deal with that, I just get to lie down and have my heart stopped and that will be the end of it for me. Written out like that it doesn’t sound so easy to me. There is so much agony and pain for everyone, my family, the victim’s family, and me. The circle of suffering just won’t end. I am wondering if the victim’s family feels that they will have closure as a result of my execution? Do they truly believe that my execution will help them in their grieving process? I cannot help but think that this execution only serves to continue the circle of suffering, I have but a single voice, and I have seen so many men murdered by the state of Texas, that I have my doubts about the effectiveness of my voice, but I do hope that if my voice isn’t enough to save my life then maybe it will be enough in the future to save another life….

Kevin Varga 999368
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.


OutsiderLookingIn said...

While I appreciate what turmoil you must be suffering right now, I do not feel it appropriate to comment on the mindset of the family of the victims. They must have been suffering their own personal torment for years.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe that he means it the way that you are taking it.

Let him be. This journal is about everything he is feeling while he is in his possible last days. No one can judge these feelings he has because they are not where he is.