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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 73

I feel as if I am attempting to hold back the tide with my body/ No matter how I strain I will never hold back the passage of time. Each day continues to pass bringing me that much closer to the death chamber. I think of nothing else these days. I attempt to read or write but the thoughts of that date creep into my mind like a thief, and this thief is out to steal my very life.

Most of the people around me have taken my execution as a foregone conclusion. This type of thinking can really start to wear on a person. I cannot stop the tide, but maybe I can dam it slightly. Eventually the tide will tear away any dam that I am able to erect, but if built strongly enough, I can hold back that tide for just a little longer.

Nothing in life is as implacable as death, but that doesn’t mean that we run headlong into the arms of death. Howe can I turn death’s gaze away from me? My every though revolves around my impending death. If I could hold back that tide I would, I can only hope that by some miracle the tide is turned.

18 days to live.

Kevin Varga 999368
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351


© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.

8 comments:

Agamemnon Padar said...

I have no idea about your case, why you are awaiting execution or if your are wrongly convicted or not, all this does not matter for me... as state execution is murder done by state, strangly ironic when its done because an individual was accused to have done the same. So i hope the tide will turn for you as i see your situation as general injust. Also ironic that America, which is such religious (how about forgiving??) and sees itself as the moral center point of the world, is one of the countries which executes its citizens. Luckily we have given up this barbaric tradition in europe a long time ago. I wish you all the best and hope it will not come to the worse. If it comes to that keep in mind, we ALL meet on the other side.

jhansi papudesi said...

KEVIN'S EXECUTION DATE IS NOT POSTPONED OR CANCELLED AS PER THE PRISON WEBSITE. IF THAT IS THE TRUTH, WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR YOU KEVIN. WE LOST YOU BECAUSE OF THE EXISTING LAWS. BUT THIS FIGHT AGAINST DEATH PENALTY WILL CONTINUE TO PUT AN END TO SUCH LAWS. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

LPJ France said...

My thoughts are with you and will be all day long, Kevin.

Franck

clarissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maura said...

I only just started reading your posts originally as a source for a debate where I purpose a Federal ban on the death penalty, but as i read further I found myself getting sucked into your story, and although you may not have time to read this before your death, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that it is a peaceful process for you.

e-z-e said...

Kevin, you will be missed deeply, I hope peace has found you. I shed my tears for you. I will always value the friendship we had. As Thomas says the past is past, and the present can define a man. In the present, you are a very fine man. I send my thoughts and sentiment to your family. We are not perfect, none of us could possible be, we can only try, try to be the best we are able to be. You worked to that end. Peace my friend, and peace to your family. My sadness today and for the tomorrows to come, is the part of me who left with you today. Goodbye my friend, goodbye Kevin.
Love, EN

Connie L. Nash said...

We just published this touching comment and Kevin's most heart-wrenching account of waiting for death. We pray and have faith that his family will have peace and that you are now surrounded by other loved ones.

Connie Nash with The Journey of Hope dot blogspot dot com

Boddokito said...

What a sad day this has being.... I will always remember you and carry you in my heart, my prayers, like before, are with you and your family; thank you for what you left us, you're with the Lord now.