Sunday, April 25, 2010

Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga - DAY 74

Yet one more time I have gotten my hopes dashed to the rocks below. My attorney sent me a letter stating that he may now be able to get me a stay of execution through the issue I have previously written about in these pages. Maybe this is just a way for me to place all faith in God’s will to grant me relief. I have prayed and prayed to God, though he stands silent in this issue. I do have faith that God will do what is best for me. I am scared of the unknown. The act of death scares me not. I have some little time to prepare myself for this. I look at each day as a present given to me by God. I know that many of you are not spiritual in nature I can understand this, but when you stand here overlooking the abyss, I think that many, if not all, would call upon God’s name to help them. I judge not as this is a choice that each must make on their own. I have only 17 days until I will know the mystery of death and what lies beyond the veil.

I very much wish I could tell you that in the days to come I will continue to write this journal but I have found that as each day passes all I wish to do is lie here and contemplate what is to come. I do owe it to you all to continue so I will write. Just be aware that I may not say things that you will see as conductive to good mental health. I think that as the day draws closer I will find myself thinking darker and darker thoughts. I want to wake each day with the news that I have been granted a stay, and each day that I do not is just another disappointment to my mental well-being. The only thing that one in my position looks for is those simple words, “You have been granted a stay of execution.” Without them I am just a corpse that hasn’t the sense to lie down and pull the soil over its head.

17 days to live.

Kevin Varga 999368
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, TX 77351

© Copyright 2010 by Kevin Varga and Thomas Bartlett Whitaker. All rights reserved.

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